Dear Martha: prom dress drama

by MARTHA

Dear Martha,

I never thought I'd be the kind of girl to fuss over prom, but alas, I am that kind of girl. I have a weird problem and everyone around me is too biased to offer good advice. I am LDS, but my family is pretty easy-going about some of the Church rules. For example, I have a two-piece swimming suit and sometimes my dad drinks iced tea. The guy I'm going to senior prom with is someone I've been friends with since we were kids and I can't wait to end my senior year laughing and dancing with him. Here is the problem: the dress I picked out is two pieces (with sleeves!). But, the top is short and leaves a little bit of my midriff showing above the skirt. In my mind, it's just as modest as anything else I would wear; I'd rather show a sliver of my midriff than wear a strapless dress or something super short. My date's mom, a family friend, has already voiced her concerns to my parents, who don't seem to mind. I think she passed along her concerns to my date because he said he might have to ask someone else to prom if I decide to wear something immodest. Am I wrong? I'm too stubborn to just go along with it, but I don't want to go to prom alone or with someone else. I want to go with him! Help, Martha!

Sincerely, But Alas

Dear Alas,You’re not wrong. In fact, you seem like the kind of kid I would want if I had a teenage daughter. First of all, let's give a round of applause to your parents for letting you choose what you want to wear. They trust you and, my guess is, you've earned that. Now, let's talk prom.

I went to prom with a guy named Gilbert. He was quiet and polite, although there was some laughter from the crowd regarding the placement of his hand while we posed for our very formal and very boring pictures. I wore a black skirt and a black top with black gloves that went up my arm. My hair was in stiff ringlets, that I hated, and my rhinestone bracelet kept snagging on my top. Other than my inane worries about my appearance, I remember nothing else of the night. I don't remember dancing, laughing, or generally having any fun at all. Why? Because it was boring! I was in all black, for Pete's sake!

I see your conflict and, the truth is, you are going to have to give something up. Best case scenario, your guy friend picks you up in a shiny limo holding a single rose and his eyes light up when you walk down the staircase in your stunning two piece dress with just a sliver of your midriff showing. I might have stolen that scene from a John Hughes movie, so don't quote me on that. But, life rarely dishes out best case scenario moments, and it's foolish to expect them. You are not foolish.

You don't have to decide between a dress and a guy. You have to decide between standing up for your beliefs about dress and modesty, and ultimately feminism, and the experience you imagined when dreaming of your one and only senior prom. There were two problems with my senior prom: Gilbert and my preoccupation with my appearance. Sorry, Gilbert. I wouldn't have cared about my hair or my bracelet if I were having the time of my life. Those wouldn't have been the things I remembered if I were celebrating my youth with people I valued. Sorry, Gilbert. If you want your memories to be of laughing and dancing with your dear guy friend, maybe don't die on the hill of righteous feminism (this time). Let the dress go! Buy a different top! Stay away from rhinestone bracelets! I digress. But, if you can make good memories without your guy friend by hanging out with your girlfriends, asking other guys to dance, and working the room, then wear the two-piece dress and wear it well. These boots are made for walking, so to speak. In a perfect world, nobody, no man or mom, would try to dictate what you can and cannot wear or what modesty means for you. Unfortunately, we don't live in a perfect world. We live in Utah. So, you can embrace the opportunity to stand up to the naysayers and feel empowered and beautiful in the dress you picked. Or, you can shrug and say that you don't care what you're wearing, you care who you're with, and embrace the opportunity to make beautiful-sparkly-teenage memories with your friend one last time. It's win-win, But Alas, don't make it mean something it doesn't. Don't fret. There is no wrong choice.Yours respectfully,

Martha

If you have a question you'd like Martha to answer, please email it to DearMartha@theUtahBee.com.