Dear Martha: age difference

by MARTHA

Dear Martha,

I'm a 24-year old college male student. A few months ago I met a woman in a meetup group for people with similar backgrounds. We started hanging out, then dating, and now we're exclusive. I'm happy with her and it's time for her to meet my friends and family! Here's the thing: she's significantly older than me. She's 42. I'm worried this will raise eyebrows for people and I'm not sure how to handle it. I know it's a big age difference but so far it hasn't been too much of a problem. I'm afraid people will try to talk me out of the relationship. I'm also afraid that maybe I'm blind to some of the pitfalls of dating an older person. This is my first real girlfriend and I want to enjoy our life together but I'm stressed!

- Mr. May

Dear Mr. May,

It sounds like you have a good thing going with this woman, age difference or not, but don’t forget that no relationship works out unless it’s the last one. Your lost keys are always in the last place you look, right?

Every person is different and develops through their life at different speeds. Perhaps you two are well suited for each other. Perhaps problems will arise. Perhaps those problems won’t even be age-related. Perhaps they will. We don’t have enough information right now to tell.

If you are serious about this person—if you make each other happy—give it a real shot. Be open about it with your friends and family. Tell them you don’t know if the age difference will be a problem or not, but it doesn’t seem to be right now. Tell them you will try to be self-aware in your new relationship. Ask them to give her a chance, and to let you know if you are having blind spots. Don’t get defensive if your friends and family rush to judgment. Help them open their minds and hearts to the unconventional. And don’t be opposed to evaluating your relationship along the way.

In the meantime, let yourself enjoy the ride.

Yours respectfully,

Martha

If you have a question you’d like Martha to answer, please email it to DearMartha@theUtahBee.com. To read past advice from Martha go here.