Dear Martha: adult dating

by MARTHA

Dear Martha,

I moved to Utah about a year ago. At the time, I was in the middle of a toxic relationship that I should have ended sooner. Now, I’m ready to date. But, I don’t really know what I’m doing. I’m not a member of the dominant religion and just don’t know how to meet people. How do people date as adults?

Any advice?

Best,

Ready to Mingle

Dear Ready to Mingle,

You’ve asked the million-dollar question— the one everyone keeps trying to answer with apps and websites. Answer that question, and you’ll be set for life! Actually, you’d probably still be asking the question, just maybe with more money in your pocket. Maybe you’re wildly rich already. I’m making assumptions.

Have you seen the show Casual on Hulu? One of the main characters gets rich off a dating website he built and, yet, he’s desperately lonely. He resists using his magic algorithm for his own dating gains, but eventually gives in, hoping to finding a partner. You can probably imagine how things pan out for him. (Spoiler alert: not good.)

The truth is, finding someone you love and that loves you is simply a mystery. Sure, try dating apps, hop online, check out some meet-up groups, join a bowling league. But, none of those things are a guarantee. I think the surest way to find a partner starts with you. Be YOU. Be genuinely yourself. People who embrace who they are sparkle from the inside out. Be open. Talk to people. Foster your curiosity. And lastly, learn to enjoy being alone. Life is paradoxical that way.

And Ready to Mingle? If you ever answer the million-dollar question, let me know what you find out, m’kay?

Yours respectfully,

Martha

If you have a question you’d like Martha to answer, please email it to DearMartha@theUtahBee.com. To read past advice from Martha go here.