Dear Martha: I'm a housekeeping feminist

by MARTHA

Dear Martha,

I am a feminist. I was raised to know my value and the value of other women. I am educated. I read. I volunteer. And I work in a demanding field. I have a group of feminist friends who gather regularly to provide support and friendship to each other.

Here’s the thing, in my downtime, I am drawn toward activities that are traditionally considered “women’s work.” I like to cook and bake. I have quilted and am learning to knit. Heck, I even find it therapeutic to give my bathroom a good cleaning. The physical work feels good while I’m doing it and I’m emotionally satisfied when it’s finished. I’m embarrassed to share these activities with my feminist friends. I mentioned how good it feels to clean the kitchen and was mocked. Several of the ladies told me that my husband should be doing that kind of work. One woman even said that she would rather have a messy kitchen than clean it herself. I like these ladies, but I’m not sure what to take seriously and what to ignore.

How can I be myself if I am mocked for doing so?

From,

A Fed-up Feminist

Dear Fed-Up,

Being mocked for being true to one’s identity is something disenfranchised minorities experience on the regular. It is simply discrimination. Prejudice. Closed-mindedness.

Imagine talking to a girl who is being mocked for dressing like a boy and playing sports. Would you ever, in a million years, tell her she needs to do things differently? Can you imagine discouraging her from being herself? Of course not! You are a FEMINIST! Now, for the love of Susan B. Anthony, give yourself the same encouragement.

Simply put, anyone who is disparaging you for doing something you love is not a feminist. Unless what you love is the patriarchy. Don’t follow me into this logical labyrinth. It doesn’t even make sense. Let me rephrase. A woman who disparages another woman is not a feminist. A woman who does not understand that we all have multiple identities, and that those identities overlap, is not a feminist.

Feminism can be complicated. It can feel like WORK. It can stir the most deep-seated emotions and highlight the tragedy of our disempowerment. But, ultimately, it’s simple. It’s about giving women an equal voice, an equal place. It’s about recognizing the ways in which our world has held us down and kept us quiet. And the only way things are going to change is if we do it TOGETHER.

Next time one of your friends puts you down for cleaning the kitchen, call them out. Correct them. Remind them that we are all in this together, no matter what our differences. Tell them you legitimately enjoy cooking and cleaning. Tell them you will never put them down for doing something they love, and you expect the same from them. Tell them you support all women.

Inclusivity. Intersectionality. Love. These are the tenets of feminism.

Yours respectfully,

Martha

If you have a question you’d like Martha to answer, please email it to DearMartha@theUtahBee.com. To read past advice from Martha go here.