Ayahuasca: A Bad Trip
Deep in the medicine, lying on my back, alone on my mat, my hands start twitching uncontrollably. My consciousness feels floaty, as if it isn’t anchored inside my body. My head starts swinging back and forth side to side, and the next thing I know, my feet are also moving from side to side, pivoting on my heels. Anyone watching would surely think I am possessed. Am I? I know I’m not making myself do this. My stomach hurts but not enough to throw up into my purge bucket.
Tears stream down my face as my whole body joins in on the moving and shaking. My thoughts are fragmented, and all I want to do is sleep, but I can’t. Something has a hold of my body and won’t let go, and I don’t understand. My last ceremony was so beautiful, so incredible, so life-changing. This is definitely a “bad trip.”
The next day during our integration ceremony, I learned that shaking is a form of purging. Not all purging is related to throwing up. See my previous article, Ayahuasca: The Purge, for more detailed information on that topic. However, I spent hours the night before, convinced that I was possessed or losing all control of my body.
I can choose to have the perspective that I experienced what people refer to as a “bad trip,” or I can choose to see it a new way, with this new information, and understand that the medicine gave me what I needed.
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Now that I have experienced many other types of plant medicines and had less than enjoyable journeys, I can say that I truly don’t believe in a bad trip if the medicine is consumed in a respectful and ceremonial way. Usually, a shift in perspective will shift the experience.
When I was in Peru, I learned from one of the wise teachers there that the spirit of the plant is always guiding the person who ingests it. If the medicine is respected, taken with gratitude, and the journeyer sets an intention, then the guiding spirit is more likely to be gentle and therapeutic. I can attest that during the ceremonies where I set clear intentions, I had much more pleasant experiences.
Let’s say that someone does all the right things for their ceremony. They create a safe space, set intentions, go in with a pure heart, and they still have an awful experience. Does that mean they did something wrong? No. In this scenario, I would highly recommend this person deeply analyze what happened in their journey and see how the medicine might be trying to do one of the following things: teach them a lesson, show them their trauma so they can pass through it, give them a sign or symbol to help them in their current life situations, purge toxicity (whether energetic or physical), or simply provide them with an experience which is outside their normal range of emotions.
Many people avoid psychedelics because they are too afraid of having a bad trip. I’m here to say if the medicine is respected and not used to “get high” if intentions are set, and if your heart is in the right place, the treatment will give you precisely what you need. Going in with fear will only stunt the experience and probably block the medicine from actually getting through to you, as it did my first time trying Ayahuasca.
If you find yourself stuck in fear before a ceremony, try a heart-opening or chakra-balancing meditation to help you surrender. Focus on the root chakra, red in color, which governs your feelings of safety. The most beautiful healing I’ve ever experienced on plant medicine is deep, deep, deep within surrender because within surrender is presence, which is the seat of creativity and growth.