Channeling Sexual Energy
Sexual energy is what compels us to create life, to fall deeply in love, and to be swept off our feet with lust. In hot new relationships, sexual energy is intensely magical, and feels like the dreamy-lust filled state will never end. The reality is that new relationship energy can be stifled when bills, dishes, and diapers start to add up. Sexual energy may develop blockages when our faults and follies become ever obvious to our partners. The concoction of chemicals that lead you to bed in the first place seems to have disintegrated into boredom. Of course, we can’t make our lives perfect, but we do have the power to channel, build, and harness sexual energy. Sexual energy is not outside of our control. We absolutely have the power to keep erotic energy alive, to increase our own individual pleasures, and that of our partner’s.
Sexual Energy
Sexual energy is a balance. Like yin and yang, this balance is an art of surrendering to pleasure and directing energy to enhance pleasure. Allowing the yin and yang energy to flow rather than force. This is not enough though. You have to become proficient in calling forth that energy with skill. Sexual energy is a lot like fire. In order to make fire, you need fuel, oxygen, and heat. The fuel for sexual energy is attraction, desire, lust, love, caring, and/or appreciation. Other common fuel sources can actually be relief, joy over an achievement, and for some, humiliation -- no judgment!
Enduring fuel comes from a deep, authentic level of knowing each other. Oxygen is supplied by our breath. Just as we can blow air onto the fire to make it hotter, we can build arousal by breathing deeply. Working with the breath is a sexual must know-how. The heat is provided by our body and mind. Energy blocks can occur because of fear, anger, resentment, cultural issues, etc. When we can pin-point what the blockages are, we can work to remove them.
Pathways to Pleasure
Have a little faith in your sexual energy. Believe you can make it work! Allow yourself to release your inhibitions, and use our heart, body, and mind. The pathway to pleasure comes with developing an orgasmic proficiency through play and practice. Honor where you are in your journey. Sex is someting that and can be learned. Make a commitment to expand your arousal paths-- do this on your own through self-exploration.
Play with your toys. For most women, a vibrator is the easiest path to orgasm. Check out The Pure Pleasure Shop for lots of toys, books, and videos. Practice the basics of sexual breathing, sound, and movement without an agenda. Yoga is a great way to practice movement. Practice trains the body to be more receptive to pleasure over time by building more pleasure pathways to the brain.
Orgasmic Abundance
You can build more pathways of pleasure. Clitoral orgasm is the most common form of orgasm for women. We have discussed in a previous article that vaginal intercourse is typically not an easy means of orgasm for a woman, but she can orgasm more easily through skin stimulation, movement, and taking turns with pleasure. Thankfully, with practice, she can learn to orgasm without ever touching the clitoris.
Orgasm can come from nipple stimulation, kissing of various body parts, intercoure, etc. Start by taking out your most favorite vibrator that definitely can get you there. Your brain knows exactly where this is headed and sends the message along the neuro path. Now as you're buzzing away, you can add in nipple stimulation. Eventually your brain is going to connect the two activities. Nipples + Clitoral action = oh boy!
Keep doing this until your brain has developed a new neural pathway, a parallel pathway-- clitoral and nipple stimulation together means orgasm. During your practice session, intermittently stop using your vibrator and keep on with the nipples. Return to using your vibrator to continue on with your orgasmic journey if you need to. After you get the hang of this, you can take it to the next level. Use your parallel path of nipple and clitoral stimulation and when you are almost ready, stimulate just your nipples and take it all the way home by harnessing breath, imagination, and sound right down to your vagina.
Now your brain thinks that nipple play = orgasm. Of course, practice, practice, practice.
You can teach your brain anything. You can use the same technique to orgasm (perhaps for the first time,) develop a reliable path to orgasm, orgasm during penetration, having simultaneous orgasm, etc. Everybody is different and erogenous zones that work for one doesn’t mean that that zone will work for another.
Orgasm variance doesn’t mean that it is a sign of lack of skill or maturity. Find what works for you through playful exploration and keep growing your arousal paths. Enjoy playtime!