Her Orgasm
Sexual pleasure and orgasm often go hand in hand … or mouth or other orifice. In his book The Joy of Sex, sex educator Dr. Alex Comfort, emphasizes that her orgasm comes from clitoris stimulation and through playful sensation and movement. Dr. Comfort believes that thinking that a woman “should'' orgasm through penetration is equivalent to saying that a man “should” orgasm by having his testicles tugged on! While perhaps a turn-on for some, “shoulds” need to go to the wayside.
Orgasm is possible for her during penetration with clitoral stimulation, and orgasm is possible for him while his testicles are being tugged on if there is hand or mouth action on his penis as well. Throwing in the intention “should '' or “must” also makes having an orgasm much more difficult, so let it happen on its own time. Really, just have fun together! Flopping down on the bed together after having the “big oohh” is possible, but in reality, mutual orgasm is rare. Orgasm for her during penetration is definitely not based on maturity or skill (on either side) so you can take that pressure off. The joy of sex comes from a variety of sensations -- skin, movement, and taking turns giving and receiving pleasure.
The Largest Sex Organ: Skin
Myth buster: males can be turned on in 15 seconds while females take at least 15 minutes to be turned on. False! Women can get turned on just as quickly as men. Through erotica, one tiny sexual thought, a certain smell or taste, it may not take much to turn someone on. Being totally honest, the smell of cookies could do it! Obviously, men get erections to reflect their readiness, but did you know that a woman’s vagina can also bloom when she is ready? The labia, the folds of the vulva, bloom when she is ready, which takes stimulation. During stimulation, she may become naturally lubricated. If she is a little dryer than normal, use a safe lubricant, such as UberLube or saliva. Never go straight for penetration, unless that is something she very clearly says that she is okay with. Going directly for entry can often be very uncomfortable for a woman. Vaginas are sensitive and moody! One analogy is to think of her like a pussycat; if you reach down to pet a cat, the cat may hiss and scratch you. If you move in slow and take your time to let the cat warm up to you on her terms, she may purr right up next to you.
To get your partner purring, start by stimulating her skin. Try touching and kissing the neck, shoulders, breasts, nipples, arms, thighs, and hips. Try using different textures and pressures. Do light touches with the tips of your fingers or deep massages with your thumbs and palms. Before you are naked and in bed, ask what she likes and what she doesn’t like, because at the end of the day women are all very different. It’s also safe to say that pussy’s like one thing one moment and another thing in another moment, so have the conversation frequently. Better yet, have her show you what she likes.
Pleasure in Movement
Movement is an excellent form of foreplay. Take for example yoga, hiking, or walking. Blood flows throughout the entire body, right down to the genitals. Blood flowing in the genitals makes getting ready for orgasm a lot easier. Couples can try going for a walk and holding hands. Talk to each other and let each other know how much you care for and appreciate each other. Authentic and non-judgemental conversations are a gateway to intimacy. Many say that the most wondrous orgasms come after having a connected conversation with their significant other, increasing trust and encouraging relaxation.
Activity outside also enhances skin and eye stimulation which can help someone find the time to let go of the day and become more present for sex. If you can help it, don’t shower after your activity so that you can pull each other close and smell each other. Breathing each other in can be incredibly arousing, especially if done passionately. Let me tell you, she will really appreciate you smelling her if your eyes roll around in your head! Don’t perfume. It can actually mask natural pheromones and weaken the brain’s sexual stimulation and disrupt hormones. Women, your smell is your strongest weapon -- your natural scent is more desirable than any perfume.
Taking Turns
Take turns pleasuring each other. Yes, sex is give and take, so make sure that you are giving fairly. In my previous article ‘How to Gain Confidence in the Bedroom’ we discussed great sex is the knowledge of how to heighten your partner’s pleasure- whether that is gently, roughly, forcefully, slowly, or quickly; which is only done between that magical space between the two of you. So who goes first? You decide of course, but starting with the woman is a great idea because she can orgasm over and over again with clitoris stimulation. For a moment, let sex be all about her. Massage her back. Kiss her everywhere. Vibrate her clitoris. Tell her how amazing she is. When she can’t help but Come, let her take the lead to pleasure you. From there, who knows? Maybe she continues having many more amazing orgasms or together you end up having the “big oohhh” during intercourse.
Sex creates love. Your sexual choreography is an intimate experience between partners. Find a rhythm, mix it up, become knowledgeable enough that you know what the breath, heart rate, body language and eyes are all saying. Skin stimulation, movement, and taking turns to pleasure each other will all go a long way.