Reminders From Psilocybin In Managing Obsessive Thinking And Body Image
by MADELINE FERGUSON
I can’t remember the last time I wasn’t worried about something.
My worries vary from thinking the house is going to burn down while I am out at dinner to what everyone in the room is thinking about my body and sometimes it gets more extreme with an unshakable feeling that a family member is going to die (heavy, I know).
I always assumed worrying about the worst was just a part of being human, until it became unmanageable and I couldn’t even function in social situations because I was always in my head.
My most common worry/ailment, and one that has been with me for a long time is the constant worry about what others are thinking about the way my body looks. Is it too soft? Too large? Do people hate looking at me?
The worrying was obsessive.
I always knew I was an anxious person, I felt validated when I was diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder. Finally, I knew this wasn’t normal and could be improved.
Something I didn’t expect was being diagnosed with OCD around the same time.
For me, anxiety is the fear of being out of control of some things. In reality, MOST things are totally out of our control but this fear was persistent and strong. The OCD was birthed out of that, an obsession with being in control.
How could I control what others thought of me? How could I ensure nothing bad would happen to the people I love? How could I make sure everything went exactly to plan?
Well, I can’t and psilocybin helps bring that truth front and center in my mind.
Psilocybin is different for everyone, so I can only speak to my own personal experience. For me, it’s not the four to eight hours after consuming a dose that brings clarity but the days after when I look back and evaluate the experience.
During what is referred to as the “trip”, I mostly just let go, laugh a lot and enjoy the moment with loved ones in a safe space. Taking psilocybin doesn’t have to be an intense, reality-rocking experience, personally I mostly enjoy it when it opens your mind to just feel joy, purely and intensely.
How does this help with my combination of anxiety and OCD? The best way I can describe it is that it reminds my mind that it is, in fact, possible to NOT constantly worry about things, whether it’s what others think or what is to come in the future.
And it reminds me just how good that feels to live in the moment (and body) I’ve been given.
Beyond just the reminder, it seems to slow down the constant stream of worries in my head (for about three to four months after), not in a way that it feels my cognition is impaired but in a way that finally allows me to focus on what is important and take the time I need to make decisions.
Psilocybin reminds me (and my brain) to give up rushing when it doesn’t serve me.
“My body just is, I am just me, and I don’t have to be always worrying about it.”
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