Sexual Expression
Many women that grow up in typical American, puritanical-centered homes are taught that their thoughts are either being influenced from God or from Satan. Women are taught to distrust themselves, instead being told what sex acts are holy and unholy -- all while they are expected to fall in line with all of the other dogma. Unfortunately, in such rigid homes, people are taught that anything (and anyone) that falls outside of the box of “holy” is shamed.
The Law of Chastity, in the context of Mormonism, is heteronormative. The Law of Chastity only allows for a man and woman to have sex after a marriage ceremony. This confinement is the only way for sexuality to be expressed, which ignores the fact that we are sexual beings from fetus to birth and beyond. Being taught that sexual desires are sinful causes doubt and mistrust, when trusting our own intuition is exactly what we need to be doing! So, how do we start to trust our own thoughts as being ours? How do we learn to express ourselves sexually?
Develop Intuition
Learn to be skeptical about most things you are being told. Explore different perspectives and ideas. Don’t allow yourself to become stuck by seeing only what you want to see. Develop more intuition through thought exploration and open-mindedness on a variety of topics. Search out a few different podcasts or books with opposing views and talk to someone outside your friend circle to see what they believe.
This kind of exploration and openness gives you the space to start thinking for yourself. The more you can recognize your thoughts as being your own the more intuition you can develop. Intuition is your inner wisdom. And your own inner wisdom may surprise you! When it comes to sex, start asking yourself questions like is this working for me? Am I limiting myself? Is this person overstepping their boundaries? Could this discomfort be because I am trying something new, rather than because I am doing something wrong? Am I falling into a fad-trap? Ultimately, you are the only person who gets to decide who you are as a sexual being.
Foster Expression
Sexual expression is so much more than sex; it is our identity. Sexual expression is how we dress, interact with the world, communicate, and how we see ourselves. Climbing out of the “holy conformity box” can feel daunting in the midst of societal pressure. Expressing yourself sexually, in a way that works for you, starts with trusting yourself. If you struggle with this, learning to trust yourself may start with keeping small commitments you have made to yourself. For example, these small commitments can be anything from drinking a glass of water first thing in the morning, turning off your phone at a certain time at night, or committing to speaking kindly to yourself during difficult times.
As your self-trust increases, you begin to trust yourself when it comes to sexual expression. Sexual expression can be anything from buying a different outfit to taking a pole dancing class,. Perhaps all you want to do is try out a new sexual technique or simply to go out dancing. Self-pleasure, nude modeling, creating art that feels feminine to you are other expressive forms worthy of exploration. Even setting personal and professional boundaries is something we all must do if we are to retain any sense of autonomy in our sexual expression.
Dare to trust yourself and give yourself permission to express yourself in a way that feels authentic to you. Commit to yourself that you believe you are enough -- especially when it comes to making decisions about your own sexuality. As long as all parties involved are completely and mutually consenting -- and as a self actualized human being -- no one has the right to tell you what is holy and unholy.