Sexual Lifestyle Options
Back in the ‘90s and shining with success from Twin Peaks, Lara Flynn Boyle starred in the negatively received Threesome. Other than some heady dialogue like so many college frosh aspouts with each passing generation, it did open up a dialogue on a then taboo subject: polyamory. Sure, we all know and have our own feelings about Big Love, but the myriad of docuseries available to stream online indicates there’s a lot more interest in the polyamorous lifestyle than one would otherwise believe.
To each their own, right? As long as relationships are consensual and are not physically or psychologically abusive, does it matter what kind of lifestyle you have with your sexual or sexual partners? It shouldn’t. Sexual lifestyles are not superior or inferior to the other. The questions to be asking are what is going to work best for you and your partner? Why are you leaning towards a certain lifestyle choice? Are you making ethical choices based on love and wholeness rather than fear and selfishness? Regardless of your relationship choices, all relationships need strong communication practices and mutual respect.
Sexuality and Christianity
Sexual lifestyle choices are often controlled by those in power in our modern world: ideologically-driven politicians, faith leaders and the media. Bill Stayton PhD has been studying religion and human sexuality for over 30 years and makes some important insights. Many people think that monogamy is the major lifestyle taught by the bible, but it falls into the grey-zone on Biblical Word or if post-conscribed.
An aside, the word adultery is from the Latin, Adulter’ium, a term used in Julian / Roman law regarding the corruption of another man’s property rights. Words, meanings, translations have had many iterations; for instance, fornication referred to rape, beastiality, and incest only. Virgin referred to “uninitiated.” A woman being of marriageable age was considered a virgin, not whether she was sexually experienced. The word ‘feet’ also referred to genitals and the lower part of the body, as well as the feet and toes. Go through the Christian Bible and replace the word feet with genitals or virgin with uninitiated -- very sexual indeed.
Lifestyle Options
There are many lifestyle options including monogamy, polyamory, arranged marriage, child-free relationships, single parenthood, singlehood, cohabitation, serial monogamy, communes, swinging, open-ended relationships, synergamous relationships, chaste monogamy, internet relationships, and lifelong celibacy. This list is not exhaustive of all lifestyle options either! Your lifestyle choice is your choice to make. A lifestyle that works for one wont work for another. If you want to be monogamous, great. If you want to be polyamorous, great. If you want to be single, great. There is nothing weird or wrong with you if you choose a lifestyle that is different from the majority. Prior to the 16th century, nobody was interested in defining the “correct” lifestyle. Sexually exclusive monogamy was imposed on society later as a way of control. Lifestyle variances were saved for the elite and upper class.
As you move through life, consider your own desires and whether learning about, joining, or enhancing a poly-lifestyle is what’s best for you. Within each lifestyle, it is healthy and helpful to find local support groups, expert therapists, and relevant literature to ensure you are educating yourself and partner(s).
For more sexual lifestyle resources, check out Shameless Sex. Use their search function to look up non-monogamy, polyamory, swinging, etc. Learning to be open-minded, practicing how to communicate, and finding an adequate support system with others will be crucial on your sexual journey. As long as humans are not physically or emotionally abusing another human being, we should be more open to different lifestyles. Sexual acceptance and openness is key to healthy individuals and communities.