Dear Martha: personal opioid crisis

by MARTHA

Dear Martha:

I really, really hope you can help me. I am a 13-year old only child of a single mother. My parents are divorced and I live with my mom. I see my dad once or twice a year. We have basically no relationship. All of us are active Mormons. We are pretty committed and basically keep all the rules – go to church, don’t swear, don’t drink or do drugs.

At least I think we don’t. But I’m suspicious. My mom had surgery and the doctor gave her some pretty strong painkillers. It’s now been like six months and I’m pretty sure she’s still taking them even when she’s not in pain. I hear all the time now about opioids and I’m seriously worried that my mom could be addicted. I asked her about it, but she got defensive and told me not to worry about it, that I don’t know what I’m talking about (which is kind of true), and that she’s the parent and I’m the child.

I can’t talk to my dad about this, I don’t have any siblings, and I really don’t want to rat my mom out to the bishop. My aunts and uncles all live in other states and I don’t know them that well. You are kind of my only hope here. What should I do?

Signed,

Nowhere to Turn

Dear Nowhere to Turn,

Can I give you a virtual hug? Or send you good vibes at least? You are between a rock and a hard place, and I would give my left arm to get you out of there. So first off, acknowledge that what you’re doing is brave and kind. Remember when things get hard that beneath everything lies your big, big heart.

First, I would widen your net of people you can depend on. I know this is easier said than done. Picking out people you can trust is tricky. But my guess is that there are people in your life that would be willing to help if called upon. Think about the people you go to church with. Is there anyone you can confide in? If not, consider going to your school counselor. If the thought of that sounds prickly and wrong, keep looking. As Mr. Rogers would say, look for the helpers.

From there, things get dicey. There are lots of resources online on how to intervene. Just because you are 13, doesn’t mean you don’t know what you’re talking about. Review the list of symptoms and side effects of opioid abuse on hazeldenbettyford.org: behavioral changes, drowsiness, impaired attention, slurred speech, skin rashes, weight gain, depression, mood swings, among others. These are more concrete ways to quantify your worries to your mom.

Being 13, however, means you shouldn’t have to navigate this without the help of an adult. You shouldn’t have to parent your parent, but for better or worse, parents are mere mortals, prone to mistakes just like everyone else. Your mom needs help. You need help to help your mom.

When you have found an ally, it’s time to have the difficult conversation. Start from a place of love and concern. Remind her that you love her no matter what, and you need her around for a long, long time. Think of this reminder of love as home base, and every time the conversation starts to derail, return to home base. From there, she will have to decide to get help.

Ultimately, the choice to change is your mom’s. Don’t shoulder that responsibility. If you talk to her about it, and ask her to get help, you have done your part. The rest is up to her. It’s not your fault for any reason. Make this knowledge your home base.

Godspeed, Nowhere To Turn. I have faith in you.Y

ours respectfully,

Martha

If you have a question you’d like Martha to answer, please email it to DearMartha@theUtahBee.com. To read past advice from Martha go here.